Finding Balance

23 Aug

I have recently been reading Tina Fey’s Bossypants. I must say that she is absolutely hysterical and I highly recommend this book. She was talking about her dad and what a strong figure he was in her life. I guess it could be defined as tough love. This is an excerpt from the book.

Β “I only hope one day I can frighten my daughter this much.(Talking about an incident from childhood.) Right now, she’s not scared of my husband or me at all. I think it’s a problem. I was a freshman home from college the first time my dad said, “You’re going out at 10pm? I don’t think so,” and I just laughed and said, “It’s fine.” I feel like my daughter will be doing that to me by age six. How can I give her what Don Fey gave me? The gift of anxiety. The fear of getting in trouble. The knowledge that while you are loved, you are not above the law. The World-wide Parental Anxiety System is failing if this many of us have made sex tapes.”

This really got me thinking. I realize I have a little while before Lila has a mind of her own and can tell me “NO!” but that doesn’t make me worry any less. How can we make sure our children know they are loved but be scared at the same time? I don’t want Lila to be scared of us, thinking anything she does will get her in trouble but I also don’t want her to think she can bulldoze over us either. Where is the balance? How do you find that happy medium to make your child listen and obey while still knowing they are loved? I often wonder how my parents did it. I know I was always concerned about getting in trouble and I knew what I could and couldn’t do, but I still loved and respected my parents. But honestly there are children that are so strong-willed and will push the limits just to see what will happen. I never really talked back to my mom and dad but it makes me wonder what the reaction would have been if I did. I have never liked confrontation, even as a child. If my parents made me mad i wouldn’t sit and argue with them, I would just go sit by myself in my room. Unknowingly making it easier on them.

I was talking to my friend Ashley about this the other day and neither one of us could figure out what the secret is to finding that balance. We both have girls and we know that day is gonna come where you just have to lay down the law. I just hope Lila’s sweet nature carries on with her as she grows.

One Response to “Finding Balance”

  1. jill August 23, 2011 at 4:50 pm #

    Thank you for making it easy on us! We always felt that we were only one confrontation away from “the unknown”. Especially in those teen-age years you have to remember that your job is not to be your child’s friend but to steer them the best you can to making the “good decisions” because at that point, the behavior decision is up to the child.

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