Archive | December, 2012

Processing

21 Dec

I haven’t written in this space in a while. Part of it was out of laziness and part was out of sadness. With the tragic event that took place in CT last week, everything else seemed so minor. When I thought about getting on here and telling a cute story about Lila or sharing pictures of our recent events I was struck with a pain of guilt. I spent last Friday in a whirlwind of emotions. I would be fine one minute and bawling the next. ALL DAY. Anything I did that day seemed so trivial and meaningless. Lives had been shattered, the innocence of children had been ripped away and there was nothing I could do accept sit in a ball of pity. In a way I feel bad even mentioning it, I feel like I don’t have a reason to be so upset and heartsick because I wasn’t affected first-hand. But I was affected. More affected than I have ever been in my life over any major event. I know it is because I am a parent now, the pain these families are going through seems impossible.

After Friday, I turned off all media and looked away when I saw anything relating to the tragedy pop up. That seems almost mean and callous but I simply couldn’t watch anymore. I did watch President Obama make his speech to the country and then I was a mess all over again. I have thought about it everyday.

It’s hard to go anywhere and not hear people discussing the events, asking why it happened and who would do such a thing? This has really put a dark cloud over life lately. I could sit here and tell you my stance on gun control, religion and other beliefs but that will do nothing to change the way things are. I can say there is still good out there. If you want to be encouraged and see the goodness in people, please take a look at Ann Curry’s twitter page. She started the idea of doing 26 acts of kindness for other people in honor of the victims at Sandy Hook. When I started reading her twitter feed ,I had tears streaming down my face. It has inspired me to do my own acts of kindness. I started at lunchtime when I had to go to the post office. I put some gift cards I had won to a restaurant in an envelope and wrote “Merry Christmas” on it and put it on someone’s windshield in the parking lot. I didn’t see them get it but I imagine it put a smile on their face. That is honestly the best I have felt in a while and it took 2 seconds. I look forward to continuing the kindness and hope people pay it forward.

I know this in no way heals the pain of those families but this is something small we can all do. Put a little good back out into the world.

The Magic of Memories

6 Dec

I am fortunate enough to have some of the best memories of childhood. Many of those memories were created around the holidays and I am reminded of them each year at this time.

There are a million little details that I still remember. We would always have Johnny Mathis playing as we put our Christmas tree up. My parents always purchased a live tree and the smell was so wonderful and lingered through the entire house. I loved getting sticky sap on my fingers as we would decorate the tree with all our handmade and sentimental ornaments. We each had very special stockings that we would hang on the mantle each year and await the moment that they would be filled with goodies. My  mom would decorate the mantle and sitting in our living room would feel like the coziest place on earth. On Christmas Eve we would have a huge dinner with our grandparents and then open gifts from one another. We would stay up way too late watching The Christmas Story, even though it was on for 24 hours straight. We would wake up on Christmas morning to find that Santa had been there a few hours before. Once all the bows were ripped off and the last package had been opened we would have a wonderful breakfast with everyone. The remainder of the day would be spent eating, napping, playing with new goodies and watching Christmas movies. It was such a magical time.

Once you have a tradition it’s hard to break it. When Josh and I got married he would want to integrate or try a new tradition and I was always opposed. I guess I had it in my head the exact way things were supposed to go because that is all I knew. However, since Lila’s arrival I feel like I am becoming much more open to new traditions. I want her to always remember this being an incredible time of the year. I want her to feel those butterflies in her belly that I remember feeling as a child. From time to time I still that amazing feeling as Christmas approaches but it is much more fleeting now. I want to re-live all those special moments through Lila’s eyes. I know she is still a bit young and most likely won’t remember this Christmas but that won’t stop me from trying to make it as special as possible. Nothing beats seeing your child’s face light up with joy and discover something new.