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26 Sep


We finally made the move to the toddler bed! Can you tell that Lila was super excited about her big girl bed? I think she was really proud of herself and she loves that she can go hurl herself into bed. I won’t lie, the first night was torture. I didn’t really expect things to go flawlessly but I didn’t expect them to go as roughly as they did. She has always done really great at bedtime and when 8pm rolls around she is ready to lay down. Sometimes she will even tell us she is ready for “night, night.” After a few snuggles, hugs and kisses she lays down with her books and is pretty satisfied so I didn’t think too much would be different once the toddler bed came into play.

We rearranged her room slightly and her bed is on a different wall than where her crib was. When bedtime rolled around she acted like everything was normal but the minute I tried to walk out of the room there was a major meltdown. She was crying so hard she could barely catch her breath. It made me really sad because it seemed like she was genuinely scared, not just that she didn’t want me to leave. We reassured her she was a big girl and that we were just in the other room. By the time I would sit down in the living room she would already be up and opening the door. This little routine went on from about 8-11pm. Finally by 11 we were going to bed ourselves and she had finally given up. I guess after repeatedly taking her back to her room she was too tired to fight us. I thought, “finally!” Not so fast there, thinking we were going to get by that easy. Around 3:30 I woke up to Lila standing by my bed. I took her back to her room and tucked her in and told her she had to sleep in her big girl bed. She would comply and say she understood but by the time I would get back in bed I could hear the pitter patter of her little feet coming down the hall. This went on for 2 hours. I was thrilled. At the 2 hour mark I gave in and told her she could climb in our bed but by this point she was wide awake and wasn’t even trying to sleep. After about 10 minutes of her lying there kicking me I took her back to her room. I pleaded my case once more for her to stay in bed, I really thought I had her that time…..nope. At this point I woke Josh up…how he slept through all this I have no idea. I told him I was done and it was his turn to take a stab at it. Of course he only had to put her down once and I guess by that time she was too tired to continue on. I still didn’t fall asleep for quite sometime as I lay restless waiting for the sound of her feet. I might have gotten 45 more min. of sleep and I was prepared for the next day to be painful. However, for the small amount of sleep I got I functioned rather well and never felt like I was going to crash.

Since that first night Lila has done extremely well. We have gotten in a good routine at night and now that she is in her bed I can lay down with her and read books. That is one of my favorite times of day. She is clean, snuggly and calm and we sit side by side and wind down our day together. I was really nervous about transitioning from the crib because knowing she was restricted to that little space was somehow very comforting. And, in the middle of that first night I was convinced she would be in the crib til she was 5 and we would just have to invest in a 2nd crib for Lucy. Oh the places your mind goes in the middle of the night.

I am so thankful she has taken to her bed somewhat seamlessly and just hope that it sticks.


Baby’s First Stitches

24 Apr

Last night was eventful.

Scary and eventful.

Lila had waddled into our bedroom and I was right on her heels. We usually play in the living and dining room and close the doors to the other rooms. However I had just cleaned the house over the weekend and the words, “there isn’t really anything for you to get into” rolled off my tongue. Those words hadn’t been uttered for more than 15 seconds before there were blood and tears. I went to tickle her belly as I do daily and she lost her balance and fell sideways. I knew she hit hard but I thought she just hit the floor. Nope. She caught her eyebrow on the corner of our metal bed frame. As soon as I got her into my arms I knew it wasn’t good. There was dark liquid coming from her face and I panicked. My immediate thought was, “it could have been her eye.” It wasn’t her eye but that is the only thought I could process. I was sick to my stomach and Josh and I were trying to stop the bleeding while she was in tears. It was deep and it became clear this was going to involve a trip to the hospital. After about two minutes of rocking her and wiping her face, Lila calmed down and was ready to get in the floor and play. It wasn’t playtime though, so we got in the car and headed for Children’s Hospital.

I bet we got stuck at every red light, got behind every granny and anyone who wasn’t from around here. It felt like it took a lifetime to get there, it probably only took about 10-12 minutes. Once we arrived, Josh dropped us at the door and we went to check in. I was irritated there were people in front of us, I was irritated the lady’s computer was running slowly, and I was irritated they said her name wrong. Obviously I wasn’t handling this very well. I couldn’t even give them Lila’s correct birthday and had to go back and correct the month she was born. Luckily, we hadn’t even sat down when they called us back to triage. The staff and nurses were amazing. They finally put me at ease and I didn’t feel like I was going to explode. I realize the reason I was angry was because I was upset with myself and then I let everything around me affect the situation.

I know these things happen when little ones are toddling around but it doesn’t make it any easier to see your child in pain and think you could have prevented it.

Lila was a champ. She was dancing and smiling for all the nurses. If you couldn’t see the evidence on her face, you never would have know she was hurt. They had her stitched up and had us out in just under an hour. Lila got a popsicle out of the deal which she loved.

By the time we made it home it was about an hour past her bedtime and it was clear she was exhausted. I held her on my lap as she drank her milk and continued holding her til she fell asleep. I didn’t want to put her down.

I am just so grateful her injuries weren’t worse.

Walk This Way

7 Mar


Lila started to take her first tentative steps over the weekend. At first it was just one or two here and there. But, over the past couple of days she started to get the hang of it. Usually once she realizes we aren’t holding on to her she likes to sit down. This moment filled my heart with joy last night. I have a feeling she is going to be cruising at her birthday party in a few weeks. It is the cutest thing to watch her wobble and try to catch her balance. Our animal children better watch out, she is on move:)


1 Nov

I love Halloween but I was not a huge participant this year. Lila and I visited family over the weekend so everyone could see her costume and love on her. I also brought her to work with me on Friday as part of the Halloween Costume Contest. We lost 😦 How do you not vote for the baby? Kidding, kind of ;/ By the time Halloween actually got here on Monday it didn’t even feel like Halloween to me. I decided since it was pretty cold and since Lila is basically still on a formula diet we would just phone this one in. I still really enjoyed getting dressed up and making her costume but I think next year will be even more fun when she can participate a little bit more.

Here is my lil sprite!

Had to show the toboggan picture!

Roly Poly

8 Sep

Lila has gotten the hang of rolling over and things are definitely changing. Gone are the days of laying her down and expecting her to stay put. We laid her on the floor this weekend and before we knew it she had rolled halfway across the room. It is exciting and scary all at the same time. It marks a huge leap for her and the way she sees the world but it is scary because I feel like I have to be on high alert at all times. Right now the biggest problem with her rolling over concerns her nighttime sleep. Although she knows how to roll over from back to belly and belly to back she has gotten much better at rolling from her back to belly. Once she rolls to her belly she kinda freaks out and thinks she can’t get onto her back again. She has started rolling over in her crib at night and wakes herself up crying until Josh or I come and flip her back over. We also can’t lay her down if she hasn’t fallen asleep yet because the first thing she wants to do it roll over (even though she doesn’t really want to be on her stomach.) I know she will get stronger and stronger and be able to situate herself without our assistance but I didn’t know if this was a common problem. I have tried to place a rolled up blanket on each side of her but she is so strong she just flips herself over it. I don’t want to put too many things in her crib just for safety purposes. In the meantime we are enjoying snuggling our sweet baby as she falls asleep.

My Birth Story

19 Aug

I have been meaning to write this down for quite some time while it is still fresh in my head. So here we go. On the morning of Wednesday,March 16, 2011 I woke up feeling very crampy and was having a difficult time sleeping. I didn’t really think too much of it because the Saturday before the same thing had happened. When it happened on Saturday I went to triage to get checked out. I was having small contractions but nothing major so they sent me home. Then the following Monday I had a dr’s. appointment. My dr was out of town so I had to go see her back-up. She said it didn’t really seem like anything was happening and I was probably going to make it at least until my dr. got back in town that Friday, the 18th. So I was discouraged and went about my day. I was just so ready to have her. My original due date was March 23rd so I was not overdue but just really uncomfortable. I woke up everyday thinking that could be the day. Back to Wednesday, I got up and got ready for work even though I was having cramps still. Once I got to work the cramping continued and once I got there my co-workers asked me “Why did you even come in?” They wanted me to go back to the hospital to get checked out. I was reluctant to do this because I didn’t want to be that first time mom that goes to the hospital 6 times before they actually have the baby thinking every pain is a sign of labor. But, since I had been having pain for a couple of hours I went on to the hospital. Josh was at work and I didn’t want to call him until I found out if it was really go time. They hooked me up to the monitors and my contractions were pretty strong every 3-5 minutes. I was just sure they were going to admit me so I called my mom to tell her I thought it was time. She was so excited and had been waiting for the call to come in at any moment. She said she was going to leave work and go get her things and she would be there as soon as possible. After about 3 hours of being hooked up to the monitors the nurse came in and told me I could go home. I was so disappointed.  She said to come back when the pain was excruciating or my water broke. So right as they were letting me go my mom arrived. I was starving because I hadn’t eaten breakfast and they had a cooking show on the entire 3 hours making it even worse. Since my mom was already there we decided to go have lunch. We had a great lunch at Aubrey’s and then decided we would go fabric shopping. During this whole time I was still having contractions every 3-5 minutes. They weren’t super painful but I could tell they were getting more intense. Every time I had one my mom said to repeat the word “good!” She said every contraction was one step closer to labor. So we were walking around the fabric store saying “good” to each other over and over again. I am sure we sounded like two crazy people. We were in the fabric store for about and hour (and found some really cute fabric!) We were walking out to the car deciding what we were going to do next and as I went to sit down my water broke! It was a crazy feeling, I thought maybe I just peed on myself, I know TMI! Luckily my mom had a towel in the car so I got situated and we called the hospital as we drove back to my house. They told me to come in immediately and they would have a room for me! I guess everything hit me all of a sudden and I thought, ” I could have waited just one more day!” After being so excited and so ready I then felt I wasn’t ready at all. We had to stop by my house to get my bags. I had Lila’s bags packed for about two weeks but I didn’t have mine ready. I was throwing all kinds of stuff in my bag, but wasn’t thinking clearly.

We arrived to the hospital and got checked in. I thought it was funny that I was sitting there filling out paperwork. You always see the movies where it is a mad dash to the hospital and everything is so chaotic. But it was really as if nothing big was happening, I was just sitting there having a conversation while filling out insurance forms. They sent me up to the room to get changed and hooked up to everything right about 4:10pm. Since my dr. was still out of town, her back-up was my dr. that day. She came by to check on my progress. She asked me if I wanted to go ahead and get an epidural? I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant was going to get and epidural. I am not really one for pain and knew I wasn’t going to handle it gracefully. I really thought the moment I was in labor I would call the hospital and tell them to meet me in the parking lot with the epidural but I told the dr. I wasn’t really in too much pain yet and I could wait a little longer. She advised me to go ahead and get it. She said that by the time I figured out I wanted it I was going to be in alot of pain and would wish I had just gone ahead earlier. I took her advice because I figured she had done this once or twice. I forgot to mention I had called Josh as soon as my water broke and he left work asap. Josh and I neither one are very good with seeing needles and blood so he left the room when the anesthesiologist  came in. It had probably only been about 10 min. since the dr. had told me to go ahead with the epidural and the pain was already unbearable by the time the meds arrived. My nurse had a student following her that day and I guess the anesthesiologist thought showing her how to do my epidural would be a good learning experience. So he was taking his dear, sweet time explaining every step of the process while I sat there billowed over in pain. His first few attempts to numb me didn’t work and I thought “Great, I am going to be one of those people who the epidural doesn’t work on.” Luckily it finally took and after about 15 min. I was completely pain free. What a miracle epidurals are! It really relaxed me and I almost felt as though I could take a nap. About 7:00pm they checked my progress and I was about 4cm so they decided to give me a little pitocin to get things moving along. All this time I had family in the room with me, my parents, Josh, my brother and Josh’s mom were all there to keep me entertained. Nothing was really happening and about 8:00 American Idol came on and we were all just watching and commenting. It is funny that I was in labor but we were just all watching tv like it was any other day. I called Jamie about 8:45 to see if her and Major were still coming to the hospital and she said they were going to be leaving in the next few minutes. I told her it was no rush and that it would probably be awhile. It wasn’t but about 10 minutes after that the nurse came in to check me and said I was fully dilated and ready to go. I was in disbelief and didn’t think I had heard her correctly. I didn’t know how it could already be time. I had been prepared for the long haul, I had a box of italian ice to munch on and had only had one so far. I wasn’t ready, how could this be? They said they were going to sit me up for a little bit so Lila could move down on her own to reduce pushing time. As they went to sit me up I got really light-headed and thought I was either going to throw-up or pass out. They got me a wet wash cloth and let me sit for a while and brought me to a sitting position little by little. At about 9:45 the nurses were giving me instructions on how to push and told me I could go ahead and start to get warmed up. Everyone except for my mom, Josh’s mom, Josh, and about 12 hospital employees left the room. They had extra nurses in the room because there had been some meconium in my water and they thought it may be in Lila’s lungs. It was crazy to have all these people I didn’t know in the room during such a personal time but all shyness went out the window. I pushed about 4 times and the nurses had me stop. They said if I kept pushing Lila was going to arrive before the dr. So, I sat there awkwardly looking at this group of people around me waiting on the dr. The dr. arrived about 10 minutes later. Once she got there I think I pushed about 4-5 more times and Lila was here. The dr. said “you did so good, you are built for having babies!” It was incredible, I couldn’t believe it happened so quickly and that it was pain-free. I got to hold Lila on my chest for just a moment before they took her away to check her lungs and vitals. I was just laying there staring at hear as they checked her asking if she was ok. She was perfect. She was born at 10:20pm and weighed 8lbs 8oz and 2o inches long. She was a big girl. She ripped me coming out so I also had to have some stitches, which really ended up being the most painful part in the days following. The rest of the night was kind of blur. All our family was in the room and Lila was being passed around. Jamie and Major made it in time too! I think I finally went to sleep that night at about 2 in the morning and I was delirious. But our sweet baby girl was here and life has been a whirlwind ever since.

My brother took some video of Lila shortly after she arrived. I am so glad he took this footage because it is hard to remember this as more time passes. I can’t believe she was so small.

Hopefully you can view it.

Happy 5 Months!

16 Aug

Dear Lila-

You are 5 months old today and it blows my mind. The last couple of months have been full of emotion and joy. You have changed so much from the first day we brought you home. In the beginning you were this tiny little bundle that slept and ate all day long. Dont’ get me wrong, you were as cute as they come but you didn’t really do much. Everyday brings something new now. You get a little stronger, become a little more aware, display a new talent. It is simply amazing to watch. One of your favorite things right now is the jumparoo. It keeps you entertained and it is so funny to watch you bouncing about. It also allows me to take a shower for a solid 10 minutes without you getting bored. This is major! You have also started having cereal once a day by spoon and you really enjoy it. It is so funny to watch your little mouth open wide and try and take in as much food as possible. It gets a little messy sometimes but it is well worth it. You are rolling over from your belly to back and you will roll from your back to your belly any day now. You are close but you can’t quite get the final step. You also love to chew on everything and have become a little drool monster. We usually keep a bib on you most of the day so your outfit doesn’t get soaked. I am also still swaddling you. It calms you down instantly and helps you relax. I feel like we might need to start weaning you off of it but it never seems like a good night to interrupt your sleep. I guess it will happen in its own time. Your daddy takes you to the bookstore all the time and I read you lots of stories. You really like to look at the pictures and you are starting to try and grab them off the page. Some of my favorite things about you….

• your baby dimples

• your chubby little cheeks

• the way you recognize me when I come in the room and get shy

• the way you pucker your bottom lip (the cutest thing in the world)

• your cackle

• the way you run in place as fast as you can

• the little noises you make when you are sleeping

Basically I love everything about you but those are some of the best ones. You are also quite the babbler. I know you are telling me something really important but I haven’t been able to decipher exactly what it is yet. Here is a piece of a conversation we were having on our way back from Kentucky.

Sorry about the camera angle again, I have to remember to start turning the camera.

Your daddy and I love you more than we ever thought possible. Lots of times we just sit and stare at you together and make comments about how cute you are. We are afraid we are giving you the big head! Actually you already have the big head, at your last dr’s appt. you were measuring in the 90th percentile. It’s ok though, you come by it honest…you will have to check out your daddy’s baby pictures. It honestly makes my heart hurt how much I love you and I’m not quite sure how we ever got by without you. Thank you for showing me the purest love I have ever known and making me so happy.