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6 Mar

I looked down at my hands today and got really sad.

When Josh proposed to me over 4 years ago he slid my grandmother’s ring on my finger. Β She had left it for my mom to give to me to use, if I wanted when I got married. As things got more and more serious with Josh and I my mom told me about the ring. I couldn’t remember what it looked like but my mom said we could use it however we wanted. Before I actually set eyes on it, I was imagining different designs that the diamond could be worked into. However, once she showed it to me I knew it was perfect just the way it was.

It was a beautiful antique style ring that I can only imagine my grandmother was thrilled to have. Her and my grandfather had been married for over 50 years. They were something to truly aspire towards and had always been a huge part of my life. For my grandmother to leave her ring to me was an amazing thing.

Here is the only really good picture I have of it from our wedding day.

Fast forward to 9 months after our wedding.

Josh and I went to the lake with a group of friends. You can probably already imagine with the words lake and wedding ring that this is not a happy ending. We had spent the day riding on the boat, swimming, and had planned on camping overnight at a campsite we had set up. Towards the end of the day we made our way to a bridge. We decided it would be really fun to jump. It wasn’t a huge drop, just enough to get your blood rushing. Why I ever even wore my ring to the lake I’m not sure. Looking back, I never took it off though so I guess it didn’t occur to me to do so then either. We all took our turns to jump in the lake and swam back to the boat. As I was climbing back on the boat my adrenaline was pumping and I was talking enthusiastically with my hands about how much fun it was. I stopped mid-sentace and looked at my hand in horror. My rings were gone. They were now floating somewhere at the bottom of the lake. I turned white, I was sick to my stomach and couldn’t be consoled. All of my friends were trying to make sure I hadn’t dropped it some other place and were re-tracing my steps for me. All I could do was stand there frozen.

I realize the ring was a material possession and that no one was seriously injured or worse. I still have to remind myself of these things when I think back on that day. However, it was a family heirloom and probably the only thing of real value I had ever owned besides our house. As I would have one thought the next one would be worse. What would my grandmother think? How could I be so thoughtless? Are you not too old to be jumping off bridges? How am I going to tell my mom? Trust me, if there was a horrible thought, I had it. Needless to say we didn’t end up camping. We got our things together and headed back home. I think I was in shock and just sat and stared in-between moments of tears. Josh did his best to console me but there was really nothing that could be said. As we drove back home I decided I needed to call my mom. I had a pit in my stomach and I all I could think about was the disappointment I had in myself. My parents were out to dinner with friends and she missed my first SEVERAL calls. Once she realized I had called so many times, she obviously knew something was wrong. As a mother, she thought the worst. So I guess it came as a relief to her to know no one was hurt. She was amazing. Even though I know she had to be upset about it, all I heard were reassuring words. “Things like this happen, it’s ok. The important thing is that you are ok.” How do moms always know the right thing to say?

The ring that I wear on my hand today looks similar to my grandmother’s ring. However, it is hard to replace the spot it held in my heart. The ring still stands for love though, heirloom or no heirloom, the feeling of love can’t be replaced. I know my grandmother would be proud of the love I found and the family that has been created. So even though my heart still breaks for that day, there has been no love lost.

I Have Sad Face, Look Away

30 Dec

Well the time has come, my brother and Jamie left for Seattle this morning. They should be there by 2:00 today. I am so excited for them to start their new adventure in a great, new city but that doesn’t make it easier to say goodbye. Josh and I had them over for one last dinner on Wednesday night and we just got to hang out and enjoy the little bit of time we had before they left. We are already talking about planning a trip out to seem them but it will most likely be several months. Lila told Uncle Brian goodnight before going to bed. Of course he can keep up with her on Facebook by her daily pictures but it is going to be different. Ok, now I am going to go have sad face the rest of day.