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Savoring the Time

7 Feb

As the days til Lucy’s birth gets closer and closer I am trying to focus on the now. I know in a few weeks life is going to be completely different. These are our last days as a family of 3. Up until now we have had all our time and attention focused on Lila and I just get anxious thinking of how things will change. We are going to have to find a happy balance and a way to distribute our time between 2 children. I mean, I know people do this everyday and with more kids than just 2. I guess I am a little worried about the transition for Lila and how she is going to handle it. We talk about Lucy pretty much everyday and have for months. She seems genuinely excited but I know there is bound to be some jealousy. I want to make sure she is involved and feels like she is part of the process and knows that we are bringing even more love into the family.

In the meantime I am trying to get in as many snuggles as possible and spend as much one on one time with Lila as possible. My favorite part of the day is after she has had her bath and is in her pajamas. She loves to snuggle up on my lap to read her books or watch a cartoon. If we are sitting down she is right by my side and I love holding her close and breathing in her sweet smell. She came and got in our bed the other night. I normally make her go back to her bed unless she is sick or upset but I let her stay. She slept with us all night and in the morning she just laid in bed and let me love on her. These are the moments I never want to forget.

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I am also trying not to rush these last days of pregnancy. As miserable and uncomfortable as things can be I am trying to enjoy and remember this feeling. I know with Lila I was so ready to be done and each day I woke up I was willing her to come out. Then my water broke and it was all over. Feeling the kicks, punches and flips is pretty amazing. It’s so easy to forget that feeling once the pregnancy is done. I look forward to everything that lies ahead for us but in this moment I am trying to be present.

Waiting, Anticipating and Procrastinating

23 Jan

We have about 5 weeks until Lucy is due to make her arrival. Somehow I think I have blacked out during this pregnancy because it has gone by so quickly. I have always heard that after your first pregnancy the time just flies. You no longer have the time to sit around and daydream about what things will be like when the new baby arrives. You are busy keeping up with baby number 1 and in our case it is no different.

Lila seems to still like the idea of a baby sister. We talk about her daily and discuss all of the fun, big sister duties she will have. She has about 6 baby dolls and they are all named Lucy. She draws her pictures at school and even insists that baby Lucy is in her tummy. It’s really cute. I am worried that there might be a bit of jealousy once she arrives but I think that is probably very normal. She has started referring to herself as the baby a lot and is hesitant to let go of some”baby things.”

I am nervous and excited all in the same breath. As we go throughout our day I always try to envision what it will be like when we add a newborn to the mix. It is really impossible to try and comprehend but for some reason I keep trying. Josh painted the nursery over Christmas break and I have slowly but surely made some headway. I know Lucy will have no idea nor care if her room is complete but right now it is the one thing I feel I have control over. So it makes me feel better to be working on that space and getting things organized for the days of un-organization that are sure to follow. I have a list of things that need to be crossed off but I keep finding myself saying we have plenty of time…umm not really. 5 weeks will be here in the blink of an eye and if she is like Lila it may only be 4 weeks.

Here is a picture from last week of Lucy and I at 34 weeks. She is a mover and a shaker. BTW, leggings are my new uniform. They are the best.

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Catching Up…

24 Apr

Things have been busy around here lately.

One of the biggest changes we have experienced in the last few weeks is Lila starting pre-school. She had her first day about 2 weeks ago and has been doing fairly well. The first few days went really smoothly and she was able to walk into her classroom in the morning and start playing immediately. After about 3 days things got a little hairy. When I would walk her to her classroom she started bawling and clung to me for dear life. It was one of those hysterical cries where you can’t catch your breath. Nothing is worse than watching your child in pain, no matter what the reason. I tried to console her and reassure her that I was coming back and that she was going to have a great time playing. The longer I stayed the worse it got. So I finally had to peel her off of me and just leave. It was heartbreaking. Her teacher is great and she texted me throughout the day to let me know Lila had calmed down and she was doing great. That made my day a bit better but it is hard to start your day that way. That same scenario played out for the next week and even though I knew she would calm down once I left it was still very upsetting. When she went back this week though things changed. As soon as we walk in her classroom she rips off her little pink jacket and she is off to find her first toy of the day. No hugs for mom. But that’s ok, I would rather her ignore me than be upset that I am leaving. I love picking her up in the afternoon because she usually gives me the best greeting. When I peak my head around the corner, her face lights up and she runs full speed toward me for a hug. She busted my face one day but it was worth it:) She had been at an in-home daycare up until this point and it was great but we felt that it was time to start having more socialization and to be in a school-like setting. So far, we are really happy with it and the best thing is that she seems to love it too.

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In my downtime I have been sewing and making mobiles non-stop. I received a large order that has to be completed within the month’s end. I am almost done and it has been really exciting to work on such a large order. My dining room table has been consumed by birds and they are shoved in every nook and cranny of the house.

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Jamie and I have 3 days until our half marathon in Nashville! I am really excited but I am also a bundle of nerves. I always get nervous before any competitive event so I will have get through the first mile or two before I calm down. Jamie and I got some really funky pants to run in. I don’t think we will be lost in the crowd:) I’m also thinking these slippers would be really comfy to run in as well.

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I’m looking forward to a fun girls weekend and a challenging run!

Holiday Happenings

4 Jan

The holidays were busy, fun, exciting, exhausting and wonderful. We jam-packed lots of entertainment and memories into the last two weeks. We had holiday parties, visited Dollywood, attended a family reunion, ate entirely too much food in several different sittings, visited Santa, celebrated Christmas, spent quality time with friends and family and played til we passed out. It’s always hard coming back to work after having an extended time off but I do like having a schedule to follow again. Our sleep and routines have been all over the place lately.

It’s hard to put into words how much I love the holidays. For me the holidays mean spending time with my family and those closest to me and there is no other way I would want to spend my time. My brother has been in from Seattle for the holidays and we have been hanging out as much as possible. He flies out today and that gives me a case of “the sads.”

Here is a little summary of what has been happening lately…

christmas11Getting ready for the big man…and trying his hat on for size.

christmas10Josh and I got all gussied up to attend my annual work Christmas party.

christmas8Lila loved riding the horsies and getting to pick out her very own at Dollywood.

christmas9My little bumblebee:)

christmas7Putting on a show for the family.

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You know….just, gettin her model on.

christmas6Santa paid Lila a visit.

christmas4Testing out all her new toys with daddy.

christmas3Lila wanted to show Uncle Brian the magic of Elmo.

christmas2Our nightly dance parties!

Brian got this great video of Lila on Christmas morning! I have watched it a dozen times:)

I hope you all had wonderful holidays as well!

Processing

21 Dec

I haven’t written in this space in a while. Part of it was out of laziness and part was out of sadness. With the tragic event that took place in CT last week, everything else seemed so minor. When I thought about getting on here and telling a cute story about Lila or sharing pictures of our recent events I was struck with a pain of guilt. I spent last Friday in a whirlwind of emotions. I would be fine one minute and bawling the next. ALL DAY. Anything I did that day seemed so trivial and meaningless. Lives had been shattered, the innocence of children had been ripped away and there was nothing I could do accept sit in a ball of pity. In a way I feel bad even mentioning it, I feel like I don’t have a reason to be so upset and heartsick because I wasn’t affected first-hand. But I was affected. More affected than I have ever been in my life over any major event. I know it is because I am a parent now, the pain these families are going through seems impossible.

After Friday, I turned off all media and looked away when I saw anything relating to the tragedy pop up. That seems almost mean and callous but I simply couldn’t watch anymore. I did watch President Obama make his speech to the country and then I was a mess all over again. I have thought about it everyday.

It’s hard to go anywhere and not hear people discussing the events, asking why it happened and who would do such a thing? This has really put a dark cloud over life lately. I could sit here and tell you my stance on gun control, religion and other beliefs but that will do nothing to change the way things are. I can say there is still good out there. If you want to be encouraged and see the goodness in people, please take a look at Ann Curry’s twitter page. She started the idea of doing 26 acts of kindness for other people in honor of the victims at Sandy Hook. When I started reading her twitter feed ,I had tears streaming down my face. It has inspired me to do my own acts of kindness. I started at lunchtime when I had to go to the post office. I put some gift cards I had won to a restaurant in an envelope and wrote “Merry Christmas” on it and put it on someone’s windshield in the parking lot. I didn’t see them get it but I imagine it put a smile on their face. That is honestly the best I have felt in a while and it took 2 seconds. I look forward to continuing the kindness and hope people pay it forward.

I know this in no way heals the pain of those families but this is something small we can all do. Put a little good back out into the world.

Very Forgetful But Grateful

29 Nov

It is so easy to get caught up in my everyday and take the things I have for granted. Each day I wake up in a warm bed, I have food to eat, electricity, cozy socks, new shoes and a charged cell phone. Some of those things seem minor, right? They are, but when I find myself without any of them I start to notice pretty quickly. It is easy to expect the things we have always had to be there day after day, but I guess there is no guarantee in that. Over Thanksgiving I started to make mental notes of the small blessings in life and how all those small things add up in a huge way.

I remember, at church one Sunday, the preacher asked what would you have tomorrow based on what you thanked God for today? That’s a pretty eye-opening question. The ugly realization on many days is that I would have nothing. I get so caught up in the day to day and I find myself forgetting to give thanks and truly enjoy what I have in front of me. Life is good, we have a healthy baby, wonderful family and a place to call home. Things are constantly changing and we never know what is just around the corner. I am thankful for the here and now and all the goodness that I have done nothing to deserve.

“Mine, mommy!”

20 Nov

Lila’s first sentence.

My thought, “uh-oh.”

Hello 6:55a.m., it’s good to see you.

14 Nov

Daylight savings time has always been a little treat for me, well, the one in the fall when we gain an extra hour of sleep. This year though it wasn’t so fun. I guess I had always heard parents say they hated this time of year because it wreaked havoc on their children’s sleep schedules. Well, I didn’t think much about it…because I didn’t have kids. I guess Lila has us pretty spoiled because for the most part she has a solid sleep schedule. She goes down around 8 each night and sleeps until around 7 or a bit after each morning. That is, until daylight savings time. Lila’s internal clock said rise and shine at 5:45. I had a perky, playful, full of energy toddler on my hands and I could barely hold my eyes open. Each night I was going to bed thinking, “ok, she will definitely sleep later this time.” Nope, each morning she was up and at em’ before sunrise. By the end of the day I was whipped. I finally wised up just a bit and got myself in bed a little earlier knowing we would be up with the roosters.

For the last week we have been making baby steps. I noticed she was tacking on 10-15 minutes of sleep each morning and we were slowing inching our way back toward 7am. This morning we made it to 6:55am. I never thought I would be so excited to look at the clock and it not even be 7am yet. If you know me though, you know I love my sleep. Now that I have written this I may have just jinxed the whole thing but I am hoping for the best.

Looking For A Second Wind

26 Oct

This has been a long week. Most of it has been spent worrying over things I can’t control, yet I can’t stop worrying. Each night this week when bedtime rolled around I have felt completely exhausted. Part of it seems my dizziness has been worse than usual but I think most of it is just from being emotionally drained. That’s pretty vague I know but if you have any good thoughts, vibes or prayers please use them.

Watching the Clock

5 Sep

Time is a crazy, fragile little thing that seems to slip through our fingers when we are trying to hold onto to it for dear life.

Over the weekend we were watching videos of Lila from the past 17 months. In a way it was incredibly sad to watch the videos where she was so small. How have we already made it to this point? I remember thinking when she was first born what it would be like when she started walking,but that day seemed so far off. Now it has come and gone and we are awaiting the next big milestones. Some days creep by and you think bedtime will never arrive and then others flash by in an instant and you feel like you didn’t even have time to look up.

It is a constant battle for me to learn how to appreciate each moment more and not think about what is coming down the pipeline. I find when I am so focused on what is gonna happen, I actually miss what is happening right in front of my eyes. The time is fleeting and I am afraid I am gonna look up in 20 years and wonder where it all went.

Watching the videos of Lila, while sad, is also very satisfying. I get to relive those small moments and find joy in them each time I push play. It really makes me wish I could video Lila’s entire life so I could go back and watch any part whenever I wanted. That would be a little silly though. I know we are all gonna come away with different memories and the things I forget  she may remember as great. One day we will sit around and talk about all the times growing up like I do with my family now. We are making history.

I know Lila won’t remember much of anything from this point in her life but I am glad that she will have a way to go back and relive all the memories we have made thus far.