Tag Archives: motherhood


26 Sep


We finally made the move to the toddler bed! Can you tell that Lila was super excited about her big girl bed? I think she was really proud of herself and she loves that she can go hurl herself into bed. I won’t lie, the first night was torture. I didn’t really expect things to go flawlessly but I didn’t expect them to go as roughly as they did. She has always done really great at bedtime and when 8pm rolls around she is ready to lay down. Sometimes she will even tell us she is ready for “night, night.” After a few snuggles, hugs and kisses she lays down with her books and is pretty satisfied so I didn’t think too much would be different once the toddler bed came into play.

We rearranged her room slightly and her bed is on a different wall than where her crib was. When bedtime rolled around she acted like everything was normal but the minute I tried to walk out of the room there was a major meltdown. She was crying so hard she could barely catch her breath. It made me really sad because it seemed like she was genuinely scared, not just that she didn’t want me to leave. We reassured her she was a big girl and that we were just in the other room. By the time I would sit down in the living room she would already be up and opening the door. This little routine went on from about 8-11pm. Finally by 11 we were going to bed ourselves and she had finally given up. I guess after repeatedly taking her back to her room she was too tired to fight us. I thought, “finally!” Not so fast there, thinking we were going to get by that easy. Around 3:30 I woke up to Lila standing by my bed. I took her back to her room and tucked her in and told her she had to sleep in her big girl bed. She would comply and say she understood but by the time I would get back in bed I could hear the pitter patter of her little feet coming down the hall. This went on for 2 hours. I was thrilled. At the 2 hour mark I gave in and told her she could climb in our bed but by this point she was wide awake and wasn’t even trying to sleep. After about 10 minutes of her lying there kicking me I took her back to her room. I pleaded my case once more for her to stay in bed, I really thought I had her that time…..nope. At this point I woke Josh up…how he slept through all this I have no idea. I told him I was done and it was his turn to take a stab at it. Of course he only had to put her down once and I guess by that time she was too tired to continue on. I still didn’t fall asleep for quite sometime as I lay restless waiting for the sound of her feet. I might have gotten 45 more min. of sleep and I was prepared for the next day to be painful. However, for the small amount of sleep I got I functioned rather well and never felt like I was going to crash.

Since that first night Lila has done extremely well. We have gotten in a good routine at night and now that she is in her bed I can lay down with her and read books. That is one of my favorite times of day. She is clean, snuggly and calm and we sit side by side and wind down our day together. I was really nervous about transitioning from the crib because knowing she was restricted to that little space was somehow very comforting. And, in the middle of that first night I was convinced she would be in the crib til she was 5 and we would just have to invest in a 2nd crib for Lucy. Oh the places your mind goes in the middle of the night.

I am so thankful she has taken to her bed somewhat seamlessly and just hope that it sticks.


Catching Up…

24 Apr

Things have been busy around here lately.

One of the biggest changes we have experienced in the last few weeks is Lila starting pre-school. She had her first day about 2 weeks ago and has been doing fairly well. The first few days went really smoothly and she was able to walk into her classroom in the morning and start playing immediately. After about 3 days things got a little hairy. When I would walk her to her classroom she started bawling and clung to me for dear life. It was one of those hysterical cries where you can’t catch your breath. Nothing is worse than watching your child in pain, no matter what the reason. I tried to console her and reassure her that I was coming back and that she was going to have a great time playing. The longer I stayed the worse it got. So I finally had to peel her off of me and just leave. It was heartbreaking. Her teacher is great and she texted me throughout the day to let me know Lila had calmed down and she was doing great. That made my day a bit better but it is hard to start your day that way. That same scenario played out for the next week and even though I knew she would calm down once I left it was still very upsetting. When she went back this week though things changed. As soon as we walk in her classroom she rips off her little pink jacket and she is off to find her first toy of the day. No hugs for mom. But that’s ok, I would rather her ignore me than be upset that I am leaving. I love picking her up in the afternoon because she usually gives me the best greeting. When I peak my head around the corner, her face lights up and she runs full speed toward me for a hug. She busted my face one day but it was worth it:) She had been at an in-home daycare up until this point and it was great but we felt that it was time to start having more socialization and to be in a school-like setting. So far, we are really happy with it and the best thing is that she seems to love it too.

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In my downtime I have been sewing and making mobiles non-stop. I received a large order that has to be completed within the month’s end. I am almost done and it has been really exciting to work on such a large order. My dining room table has been consumed by birds and they are shoved in every nook and cranny of the house.

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Jamie and I have 3 days until our half marathon in Nashville! I am really excited but I am also a bundle of nerves. I always get nervous before any competitive event so I will have get through the first mile or two before I calm down. Jamie and I got some really funky pants to run in. I don’t think we will be lost in the crowd:) I’m also thinking these slippers would be really comfy to run in as well.

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I’m looking forward to a fun girls weekend and a challenging run!

Happy 23 Months

19 Feb



I don’t know how it is possible that I am throwing around ideas about your 2nd birthday. I could swear it was only yesterday I was gathering everything up for your 1st birthday and anticipating the excitement you would have as you dove into your cake. By the way, that never happened on you first birthday. You would barely touch the cake so we basically all stood and watched you watch your cake. It was still thrilling!

I have been prepping you lately by asking you how old you are. I have shown you how to hold up two little fingers and you are catching on quickly. I think of all the things we have accomplished over the last two years and it makes me proud. But, then as I begin to look toward the future I am a bit timid. I tend to worry about things that far off and how I will handle a situation if you are ever in it. Then my mom gently reminds me that I might not be ready now but when the time comes I will be prepared. Mothers always know the right thing to say.

Over the past month you have begun to love Disney movies. Your favorites are Charlotte’s Web and Cinderella. You would sit and watch them all day if we let you. Even though you love the movies you are still loving books to no end. You take an armful of books everywhere you go. We have discovered our best ally for nap time is a stack of books. As long as you have a pile of books by your side you immediately forget about fact we are making you lie down for a nap. I am enjoying this time until you figure out our handy new trick.

Sometimes I feel like we speak a foreign language to each other. Each day you are discovering new words and creating your own, unique way to say them. It is our job to decipher what they are and sometimes you leave us stumped. It is incredible though when you pull a new word out of thin air. I usually look around for a witness because I instantly think you are a genius. I guess every mother has her own little genius, but you are mine.

I want to enjoy every second of this last month. I love you my little bug.


“Mine, mommy!”

20 Nov

Lila’s first sentence.

My thought, “uh-oh.”

Security Is Good At Any Age

24 Oct

Most of us start out our lives with a security blanket of some sort. However, we usually outgrow it and leave those comforts behind. I have hung on to my security blanket for 30 years. Not just that I still have it but I use it on a daily basis. My mom made me a baby blanket before I was born and it has basically never left my side. I don’t know what it is about the blanket but it just gives me a great comfort. After 30 years of washings, much love and being drug to and from everywhere it is almost in shreds.

When I was pregnant my mom found the pattern she used all those years ago and made a replica for Lila. Lila’s version is made with fabrics that all have very special meaning to our family. She keeps it in her crib and sleeps with it each night. Thus far she hasn’t seemed too attached to it but I hope one day she loves it the way I love mine.

It it probably time I part with mine but the fact is….I don’t want to. And you know what? I’m secure with that:)

19 Months

16 Oct


I have been going through looking at old pictures of you. I barely remember that 8lb baby I held in arms, swaddled so tightly, and sat up nights with. When I look at the pictures it is unfathomable that time has passed so quickly. I know that’s what everyone tells you, to enjoy it because they grow up too fast. Some days in the midst of motherhood I think I must have my blinders on. I don’t see how small you still are and I know in a few months I will be looking back on pictures of today relishing you’re itty bittyness.

I wish I could store up each day in a jar so I could go back and take the lid off and relive our moments. I know that’s not possible so I am trying to enjoy each moment with you and not take it for granted. You are the funniest little girl and fill our lives with so much joy. You are starting to use your words a bit more and it is so funny to hear all the little things that come out of your mouth. I can’t wait to see what you do tomorrow but I am enjoying what you are bringing to my today.

Love you so much, Mama

Finding Confidence in Motherhood

20 Aug

When we brought Lila home from the hospital my mom stayed with us for two weeks while we developed a routine and adjusted to all the change. When it was time for her to leave I squalled like a baby. I didn’t think I could do it without her and I wanted her there by my side to talk me through every move. I remember thinking I would never have time to fix myself a meal again or get dressed, I was completely overwhelmed. As a few weeks passed I found my footing and grew more confident. I knew what Lila needed and when she needed it. Those moments when you can give your child what they need are so satisfying. But, then in the next moment you are letting them fall off the couch. FAIL. Just as we thought we had her figured out she started to enter a new phase of mobility that was a whole new ballgame. That’s the tricky thing about this whole parenting gig, right when you get comfortable everything changes.

I feel like we are in the middle of huge change with Lila right now. She is developing such a personality and becoming so independent. It is incredible to watch but terrifying all at the same time. She is so active and on the go that at times I think I have to be the most boring person in the world to her. It is in these times when I have to dig down deep and find the confidence I know I have. I have to allow myself to let loose and have a good time and not feel like every second of the day has to be planned out. It is easy to fear that you won’t be enough for your child or give them everything they need. Then, I look down at the end of the day and I see she is thriving, laughing and playing and I know we are doing the best we can. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it is my best because there are hard days….days when things aren’t easy or come natural. But, I’ve decided that’s ok, that’s just life and things are never going to be smooth sailing all the time.

I guess I have found with being a mother that I worry a lot more than I ever thought I would. Mainly about things that are completely out of my control. Lila and I were with my mom running errands the other day and she whispered to Lila, “Don’t tell your mama but you never stop worrying about your children.” It hit me then, whether your children are 3 or 30 they are still your children and you will always worry about their well-being. I am trying to focus on this moment in front me and making the best decisions for today.

Some days the confidence comes easy other days it takes a little digging.

16 Months

18 Jul
Little lady you really are trying to grow up too fast.
From my shoes to my undergarments, you want to test them all out. You like to rifle through my closet and bring each item of clothing to me one by one. Mommy’s little helper:) You have also become a huge fan of trying to ride the doggies around the around the house. Bless their hearts, they are good sports. You are are also chasing the cats like it is your job. I mean, you are crawling under tables, reaching over chairs, just trying your darndest to pet the kitties. They don’t appreciate it as much as the pups.
You are still loving books. You will sit in the floor flipping through books for quite a while and then you will bring them to both Josh and I to read to you. We both love that because you will crawl up in our laps and find just the right spot and sit still most of the time while we read them to you. Peek-a-boo is still a big hit and you are always willing to play back with us.
You are understanding so many things it is crazy. We can ask you to shut the drawer, go get your shoes or give us a high five and you know what to do. How do you understand us? I really want to know. Sometimes you take these three minute power naps in the car that seem to replace a two hour nap and that is kinda awful. Those are hard days on mommy. Luckily your daddy is a good one and lets mommy get a breather with a nap now and then.
I think one of my favorite things about you right now is the amount of affection that you show. You are constantly hugging our legs, stretching your arms out to be picked up, and laying your head on our shoulders. I hope you are always that loving and I look forward to everyday with you.
Love you buggy.

My Shadow Is Holding Me Accountable

12 Jul

As I was giving Lila a bath the other night I was splashing the water and and building towers out of blocks with her. As I watched her I noticed she would mimic my every move. If I splashed the water, she splashed the water. I thought to myself that is just adorable. I know, I am her mom and I think everything is adorable….but it was adorable:) I couldn’t believe she was already picking up on the little things we are doing. I have been noticing it more and more. Then I started to think, I really have to watch myself. She’s seeing EVERYTHING we do. The good, the bad and the ugly. Josh and I are her examples. Geez, that’s a lot of responsibility. That means I can’t say sh*t when I get frustrated, can’t pick my nose, must eat all my vegetables, brush my teeth every night, and always say thank you. Good grief.

I don’t just want to preach at Lila and tell her she should act a certain way, I want to be that example for her so she can see me living it daily. I guess now that I know someone is always watching it is a good reminder be on my best behavior.

Let’s re-visit this in 6 months.

Oh Crap!

28 Jun

(This little shiner on Lila’s head is from her tumble off the steps. She is all healed now!)

Some days I look at Lila and think “oh crap!” Even though we have been doing this parenting thing for 15 months now I still have my moments where I can’t believe I have a little human being that I am responsible for. Things have definitely gotten easier and we have found a routine that works for us but there are still challenges that arise everyday. I would consider myself an anxious person so it doesn’t surprise me that I have those little freak out moments. It is incredible to know that this little person fully depends on you to mold and shape them. If that isn’t pressure then I don’t know what is. Sometimes I get carried away with my thoughts. I wonder how Lila will turn out but then I talk to myself and realize we have to take this one day at a time. Some days are going to be so much fun filled with new adventures, on other days, naps will be skipped and breakdowns will occur…you just have to roll with the punches.

It can be very intimidating when looking at the big picture of raising a child. I think I am intimidated on a daily basis. “Am I doing this right? Am I screwing her up? Is she going to hate me? Oh crap.” See, that’s where that oh crap comes in. Each day that passes I find that I learn a little more and also become a little more humbled.

I often wonder how it will be if we decide to add more children to the mix. Some days it seems impossible and other days it seems like it wouldn’t be a big deal at all. If one kid makes me go “oh crap”, then what happens with multiples? I stayed home yesterday with Lila because she wasn’t feeling top notch. We ran to the grocery store to get a few things. While we were there a mother with three young children came in and she was doing her grocery shopping. The kids seemed to be having such a good time together and things seemed to be going pretty smoothly. However, I was over in the corner of the store with Lila staring at them thinking “OH CRAP!” I was really just looking at her with amazement trying to see how she was doing it so seamlessly. I am sure she has her “oh crap” moments everyday too and I think it is a completely normal thing for all parents to experience.

One day at a time people, one day at a time.