Tag Archives: parenthood

Currently

25 Sep

Reading: I have finally gotten around to Emily Giffin’s, Where We Belong, and I am loving it. I am a little over halfway done and I don’t want it to end because it is that good. I have actually found myself reading most nights in the past few weeks and it has been super relaxing.

Watching: I haven’t been watching near as much tv as usual. There really hasn’t been much on that has sparked an interest. However, all my favorite fall shows are about to premiere so I am very excited about that. I have been watching Parenthood the last few weeks and it never fails I am sobbing at the end. How can they manage to make each and every episode so darn emotional? I love all the story lines and I get so wrapped up with each of the characters. It looks as though this season there are going to be more tears than ever.

Excited about: All the great deals we scored at Duck Duck Goose last week. Lila’s winter wardrobe is ready and we got it all at a fraction of the price than we would have buying everything brand new. Not only did we get her lots of clothes but I picked her up several toys for Christmas. It is kinda crazy to think we have already started shopping for the holidays but there were such incredible deals I had to take advantage of them.

Loving: The cool, crisp mornings. Fall is by far my favorite time of the year and I try and savor all the little things I love about it. I get so excited when I break out my sweaters and boots for the first time, the warm drinks, and the re-energizing feeling I get. I could definitely live in a fall-like atmosphere all year-round.

Anticipating:Β Our 4 year anniversary coming up in a few days and also my 30th birthday. Some days I am completely fine with the thought of turning 3o and other days it gives me lots of anxiety. I realize there is nothing I can do about it and I would much rather have a birthday than to stop having them but it also makes me realize how quickly these past few years have gone by. I remember when 3o seemed old and it was a distant age somewhere in the future. Now it is but days away.

Keeping busy with: Mobile-making and chasing Lila bug around.

Goals: To start exercising again on good schedule. I did manage to run one night last week but haven’t been consistent. It’s so hard to carve out extra time and I find it almost impossible to sacrifice my sleep time for exercising. I’m really gonna put forth a better effort though.

Thanks to DanielleΒ for providing the original inspiration for this post.

Finding Confidence in Motherhood

20 Aug

When we brought Lila home from the hospital my mom stayed with us for two weeks while we developed a routine and adjusted to all the change. When it was time for her to leave I squalled like a baby. I didn’t think I could do it without her and I wanted her there by my side to talk me through every move. I remember thinking I would never have time to fix myself a meal again or get dressed, I was completely overwhelmed. As a few weeks passed I found my footing and grew more confident. I knew what Lila needed and when she needed it. Those moments when you can give your child what they need are so satisfying. But, then in the next moment you are letting them fall off the couch. FAIL. Just as we thought we had her figured out she started to enter a new phase of mobility that was a whole new ballgame. That’s the tricky thing about this whole parenting gig, right when you get comfortable everything changes.

I feel like we are in the middle of huge change with Lila right now. She is developing such a personality and becoming so independent. It is incredible to watch but terrifying all at the same time. She is so active and on the go that at times I think I have to be the most boring person in the world to her. It is in these times when I have to dig down deep and find the confidence I know I have. I have to allow myself to let loose and have a good time and not feel like every second of the day has to be planned out. It is easy to fear that you won’t be enough for your child or give them everything they need. Then, I look down at the end of the day and I see she is thriving, laughing and playing and I know we are doing the best we can. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it is my best because there are hard days….days when things aren’t easy or come natural. But, I’ve decided that’s ok, that’s just life and things are never going to be smooth sailing all the time.

I guess I have found with being a mother that I worry a lot more than I ever thought I would. Mainly about things that are completely out of my control. Lila and I were with my mom running errands the other day and she whispered to Lila, “Don’t tell your mama but you never stop worrying about your children.” It hit me then, whether your children are 3 or 30 they are still your children and you will always worry about their well-being. I am trying to focus on this moment in front me and making the best decisions for today.

Some days the confidence comes easy other days it takes a little digging.

Oh Crap!

28 Jun

(This little shiner on Lila’s head is from her tumble off the steps. She is all healed now!)

Some days I look at Lila and think “oh crap!” Even though we have been doing this parenting thing for 15 months now I still have my moments where I can’t believe I have a little human being that I am responsible for. Things have definitely gotten easier and we have found a routine that works for us but there are still challenges that arise everyday. I would consider myself an anxious person so it doesn’t surprise me that I have those little freak out moments. It is incredible to know that this little person fully depends on you to mold and shape them. If that isn’t pressure then I don’t know what is. Sometimes I get carried away with my thoughts. I wonder how Lila will turn out but then I talk to myself and realize we have to take this one day at a time. Some days are going to be so much fun filled with new adventures, on other days, naps will be skipped and breakdowns will occur…you just have to roll with the punches.

It can be very intimidating when looking at the big picture of raising a child. I think I am intimidated on a daily basis. “Am I doing this right? Am I screwing her up? Is she going to hate me? Oh crap.” See, that’s where that oh crap comes in. Each day that passes I find that I learn a little more and also become a little more humbled.

I often wonder how it will be if we decide to add more children to the mix. Some days it seems impossible and other days it seems like it wouldn’t be a big deal at all. If one kid makes me go “oh crap”, then what happens with multiples? I stayed home yesterday with Lila because she wasn’t feeling top notch. We ran to the grocery store to get a few things. While we were there a mother with three young children came in and she was doing her grocery shopping. The kids seemed to be having such a good time together and things seemed to be going pretty smoothly. However, I was over in the corner of the store with Lila staring at them thinking “OH CRAP!” I was really just looking at her with amazement trying to see how she was doing it so seamlessly. I am sure she has her “oh crap” moments everyday too and I think it is a completely normal thing for all parents to experience.

One day at a time people, one day at a time.

 

 

The Inconsistencies of Parenthood

18 Apr

My brother, Brian is 4 years older than me so as we were growing up I watched with envy as he got to experience things I wasn’t old enough for. I watched him get a car, hang out with friends, go to concerts, drive out of town and an assortment of other fun activities. I was taking mental notes and making little reminders about how old he was when he was allowed to do all these fun things. I remember when I finally reached high school and thought I knew everything and should be given all the freedoms in the world. I wasn’t allowed to drive out of town, stay out past a certain time or go certain places. The first thing out of my mouth when my parents told me I couldn’t do something was, “But you let Brian do that when he was younger than me, it’s not fair…..blah, blah, wah, wah.” They told me it was different and that the rules that applied to my brother wouldn’t always apply to me. I could not understand and wondered how such an injustice could take place.

Now this seems quite funny. Now that I have a daughter all of my parent’s rules seem to make complete sense.

I now understand how there can be one set of rules for boys and another for girls. There are probably a complete separate sheet of rules that come with each individual kid no matter what the sex. I realize now that you have to parent to your child’s personality, spirit and attitude. Even though, at times I feel like I may have Lila figured out….the next one (if there is a next one) will probably be nothing like her and we will have to learn to parent in a whole new way.

For instance, when my parents and I would argue when I was a teenager it didn’t take much for me to get my feelings hurt and simply resign to my room. The way I fought back was to sulk. My brother, however, was more vocal. Now that I think about it, maybe that’s why he got to do more. He didn’t sulk or shy away from confrontation, he would push the issue. I just find it funny how the personalities of siblings can vary so much and how the parents have to learn to deal with each child individually. There really are no rules set in stone, thing aren’t black and white.

I think about Lila’s future everyday. These are the ramblings that go on in my head and I wonder how I will cater to her personality and to the personalities of any siblings she may have.

This parenting business is no joke.